


cycles

by archerhatesyou



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Armin is sleepy, Connie being Connie, Fluff and Humor, Jean just tries so hard doesn't he?, Levi is a dirty bird, Multi, Post-Anime, Serious Business, WOOF manga spoilers, what even are tags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-17
Updated: 2015-01-17
Packaged: 2018-03-07 23:22:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3187070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/archerhatesyou/pseuds/archerhatesyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The members of Squad Levi (beta version) learn some hard lessons about close-quarters co-ed living.</p>
            </blockquote>





	cycles

Levi was reading some trashy novel he found lying around and seemed largely uninterested in the atmosphere around the dinner table. Armin could barely keep his eyes open, head drooping over his bowl of soup. The rest were eyeing Connie with cautious interest.

The young male squad members knew what was coming; he'd been setting up his complaint for days, logging statistics and muttering under his breath, and through the entirety of today's patrol he had looked particularly miffed. It had been especially hot, and all nerves were short.

As was their unspoken custom, the girls had been first to wash up upon their return. Eren had been stirring the huge kettle of soup they were to share, and with Levi occupied and Armin dozing upright in his chair, only Jean had been left to plead his case.

"Listen, man," he'd said quietly. "Don't."

Never had Connie looked so determined. "I have to."

"Just leave it alone. It'll pass."

"I hate this. Fuck, I can't take it."

"Don't do it."

"I have to say something."

Jean crossed his arms. "Fine. I've warned you, and I want no part of this." Then, tipping his chin with disdain: " _Stupid_."

That had only made Connie more mad, so by the time the girls returned he was positively fuming. "Food's about ready," Eren said in an attempt to defuse the situation before it got out of hand.

"Can I not clean up first?" Connie snapped.

"I mean, it's just bean slop." Eren shrugged. "It'll still be good when you get done."

Connie had grit his teeth and sat down stiffly at the table anyway, seething as Historia fluffed her damp hair. Sasha's elbow clocked him in the head as she drew up her own hair, a tie dangling from her teeth. "Oh—sorry."

Spoon in hand, Connie slammed his fist on the table. "Have you guys formed a syndicate or something?" All eyes were wide on him. "Did you _plan_ this? You _trying_ to make us miserable?"

Sasha bared her teeth, but Historia attempted diplomacy. "Hey, whatever the problem—"

"Come on!" Spittle flew as he shouted, and even from his seat in a far corner, Levi sneered in disgust. "We're _all_ sweating our balls off out there, but by the time you people are finished with the washroom, there's salt cracking off my face!"

"Then _drink more water_ ," said Sasha, frighteningly calm. Mikasa took the initiative and clasped her wrists.

Historia continued her feeble attempts to pacify him. "Connie. . . ."

"Three damn days in a row! All three of them just make an executive decision one day, and suddenly I'm stuck with my own funk for an extra _hour and a half_. Don't touch me," he bit, slapping Jean's hand away from his shoulder.

"Connie." Everyone cowered like puppies in sympathetic shame as Levi's voice rolled taut with warning. "When your vagina starts bleeding, you let us know and we'll give you all the bathtime you want."

Connie and the girls flushed bright red; he cautiously came to grips with reality, saying only, "So. . . ." Jean was covering his mouth to contain fits of laughter, so Sasha promptly pushed his face in with his own hand.

Eren was mostly nonplussed. "You lived with your mom, right Connie? It's not a big deal."

"Sure, but . . . _all at once?_ No, it's definitely conspiracy."

"It just happens that way when women live together," Armin mumbled matter-of-factly. Levi nodded distantly at his book.

Connie gaped. "What are you . . . so you all. . . ."

"Well, except for Mikasa," said Sasha. "She hasn't bled in months, and she's not even getting any." She received the dirtiest look from the subject, and Jean, cradling his face in exquisite pain, also began blushing violently. "What? It happened a couple times as trainees too, didn't it?"

"If that's all true, Ackerman," said Levi, "you're in a dangerous place health-wise. Eat more and train less." Casually he turned a page. "That's an order." He yawned, and Armin followed suit.

Now her angry stare was directed at the captain, and Connie backpedaled to what was apparently the more important issue. "Wait, so _you're_ just taking advantage of the situation, is that what I'm hearing?"

"Levi's right," Armin piped in sleepily, "you can do real damage to your bones if you're malnourished enough to stop— _oww_." Eren had the foresight to slap him in the back of the head to shut him up, before Mikasa shut him up permanently.

"I bet Annie stopped bleeding sometimes too," Sasha mused absently, drawing looks of alarm and incredulity from the room at large. "She trained pretty hard too, and was even tinier than you." She noticed Mikasa's anger continue to rise, and (incorrectly) assuming she understood why, added, "And you're already pretty tiny." Then she hummed in thought, ignorant of the horrified stares around her. "Or maybe it's different if you're a shifter?"

"Nope," said Historia. "Ymir always bled regularly."

"How can you possibly know that?" Connie spat.

She dipped her head. "Uhh . . . people tell you a lot of things when you're nice to them."

"Nice, is that what you call it?" Levi closed his eyes and recited, " _Lay tongue to the lathe, the blessed lather_. . . . Can't say I blame you, little one. Sometimes you just crave it."

Most of them were trying so hard to avoid looking into the captain's face, fearing what they might see there, that no one seemed to notice Historia reddening with such force she might explode. Least of all Connie, who of course again focused on the less interesting implication. "What the hell was _that_?" he asked Levi.

"It's called poetry, punk. Those of us who can read know about it."

"I can read just fine!"

Only Armin seemed to appreciate the breadth of deductive reasoning that had been displayed over the past several minutes. "Heichou, has anyone ever told you you're a genius?"

"Not lately, so thank you."

Jean, who had been sitting in quiet disbelief since his outburst, sheepishly slipped his ration of bread and the remainder of his soup toward Mikasa. "My nose might be broken," he stammered when her glare lit him up. "I think I'll puke if I try to eat now."

In return she offered him a fierce frown, but orders were orders. She picked up his spoon and sighed, muttering, "I hate all of you." Historia crossed her arms, pouting in agreement, and powerless to stop her, Connie's bowl was swiftly captured by a cackling Sasha.

**Author's Note:**

> The poem is "Unclean. Make me." by Ross Gay [very nice live reading [here](http://www.fishousepoems.org/?p=1928)]. I strongly urge you to do some extracurricular study!


End file.
